


This Time I'll Be Special (You Know I Will)

by whispered_story



Series: Carve Your Name Into My Skin [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Barebacking, College Student Jared, Established Relationship, Family Drama (kinda), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Kink, Mob Boss Jensen, Rimming, Sex Toys, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 08:19:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13586076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: Jared can't stop thinking about it: If he's not a Padalecki, he needs to be something else. Needs to figure out who he is.He doesn't realize until it's too late that he's hurting his and Jensen's relationship in the process.





	This Time I'll Be Special (You Know I Will)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [dancing_adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift/pseuds/Dancing_Adrift) for betaing ♥
> 
> Title taken from Robbie William's _Different_.

The Padalecki mansion is massive.

Growing up there, Jared had never really realized it. It's all he'd ever known. But it's been a few years since he stepped foot into the house and coming back now, Jared is startled by the sheer size of it.

Inside nothing much has changed. Same expensive furniture, same expensive décor, all stark, clean lines and barely any color. It feels cold, even colder than Jared remembers. 

And it's all Jared's now. Sole heir to the Padalecki estate—a mob kingdom he wants no part of.

"Tell us what you want to keep," Danneel says, touching his arm.

Jared crosses his arms over his chest, not quite hugging himself even though he wants to, and sighs. "Nothing from down here," he says. "I don't care what you do with any of it. Trash it, if you want or sell it on fucking ebay for all I care."

Danneel frowns, but nods wordlessly. 

Jared turns and heads upstairs. Two of Jensen's men follow him—his silent shadows, going wherever he goes these days. Jared ignores them and doesn't stop until he's all the way upstairs, in the attic.

There are lots of things up here, but Jared goes straight for the handful of boxes stacked against the wall in the far corner of the vast space. He hadn't been sure they'd be there, but he'd hoped—his mother had barely been dead a day when Jared's father had barked out the orders to pack her things and put them in the attic. Jared had been in his own room, packing up his own things and he'd left the house a few hours later. He'd never returned.

Heaving a sigh, his chest painfully constricted, Jared pulls the first box down and opens it.

*

There aren't a lot of things Jared wants to keep. He just wants _something_ – a small keepsake or two from his mom, something to remember her by. And maybe he's hoping for something else, too. Answers, a clue, a note that will declare in big, bold letters, "You're not a Padalecki, Jared. Love, Mom."

And at the same time he doesn't really want to know. Doesn't know what he would possibly do with the information. 

He goes through her things carefully, picks out a necklace she always used to wear and the framed photo of the two of them that she'd kept on her desk.

He's thumbing through some papers when a few more photos slip out. There are a couple of him as a toddler, of his mom when she was younger, a picture of his grandparents, and a picture of his mother and Jeff. They're both startlingly young, smiling widely into the camera. 

Jared picks it up, stares down at it. They'd always been friends, Jeff and his mother. Good friends. Close friends.

His hand, Jared notices absently, is trembling as he drops the picture back onto the pile.

*

"You've seemed distracted all night, sweetheart," Jensen murmurs. He kisses the nape of Jared's neck, his hands skimming down his sides. His touch feels good, but he's right—any other day, Jensen's hands on him are enough to make Jared forget about anything else. Tonight, Jared's thoughts keep straying.

"Sorry," he mumbles, not even trying to deny it. Jensen can read him way too well anyway, would know if Jared would try to lie to him.

"Mmm, 's okay," Jensen says into his skin. "Just means I have to make you forget about whatever it is you're thinking about, don't I?"

Jared smiles a little, pressing up into the warm touch of Jensen's hands. "Yeah?" he asks, hopeful. He wants to forget, wants Jensen to take his mind off things and just make him feel good. 

"Yeah," Jensen says and nips at Jared's jaw. He slides his hands lower, cups Jared's ass cheeks and squeezes them, and Jared moans. "How's that?"

"'s good," Jared says, and Jensen laughs softly. 

"Just good?" he asks.

Jared hums.

"I'll show you good, sweetheart," Jensen promises and nudges Jared onto his stomach. "Spread your legs for me."

Jared does, letting his thighs fall open. He feels like he's being pulled in two directions—his mind still buzzing, thoughts racing through his head, while also being clouded by arousal. He wants Jensen. He can't imagine ever not wanting him. The way Jensen makes him feel, all the time, is something incredible, something he can't put into words. He aches for him, constantly. But there's so much weighing on his mind and Jared can't switch those thoughts off, can't let it go and just be in the moment with Jensen the way he usually can.

But he wants to be. God, he wants. And he knows if anyone can get him there, it's Jensen.

Slowly, hands stroke up his thighs, palms curve around his ass cheeks and pull them apart.

"You're beautiful," Jensen murmurs, and Jared flushes, pushing his hips back into Jensen's touch. "Every goddamn inch of you."

He kisses Jared just above the swell of his ass, then lower, biting at the flesh and laughing a little when Jared lets out a startled yelp.

"Warn a guy," Jared mutters, but there's no real annoyance in his tone.

Jensen lets go of him then and leans over him. "Now, where's the fun in that?" he asks against Jared's ear, and reaches for the nightstand. Jared watches him in the dim light of the bedside lamp as he retrieves a bottle of lube – just lube, and that still sends a thrill through Jared.

"Get on your hands and knees for me, baby," Jensen says, sitting back behind him. Jared feels heat flare in his stomach as he pushes himself up quickly, getting into the position Jensen wants. He lowers his shoulders, his ass up in the air.

"God, look at you," Jensen says softly. The snick of the bottle being uncapped seems unnaturally loud in the room, and Jared waits, holding his breath, only to have it pushed out of him with a soft gasp when slippery, cold fingers slide between his cheeks.

Jensen rubs the tips of his fingers over Jared's hole for a moment, and Jared bites down on his lower lip, his heart pounding in his chest. It feels good, makes sparks of pleasure course through Jared, and the anticipation feels even sharper.

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Jared cries out when Jensen finally presses in, sinking two fingers deep into Jared without giving him a moment to adjust. Jared curls his hands into firsts, grasping the pillow between his fingers, and slides his knees further apart, giving Jensen more room.

Jensen hums, the sound smug and pleased, and curls his fingers inside Jared. "Good, baby?"

"Y—yeah," Jared stutters out, pushing his hips back, into Jensen. 

Jensen opens him up quick and dirty, barely allowing Jared to relax around him before he pulls out and pushes back in with three fingers. It burns, making Jared moan, wanting more, wanting it now.

He gets his wish soon after, only it's not Jensen's cock he feels nudging against his hole, but cold, hard rubber.

"Jen," he gasps, not sure when Jensen managed to retrieve the toy from their drawer—he must have planned this, must have gotten it earlier when they were getting ready for bed. 

Jensen stills, and Jared knows he's waiting for his okay. He rocks back, against the toy, feels it slip and slide over his hole. Jensen catches him by the hip with one hand, the touch making Jared stop moving, and then starts working what Jared assumes must be one of their dildos in. Jared feels himself clench up against the intrusion for a split moment before he relaxes, and it sinks into him. 

Jensen fucks the dildo in and out of Jared, pushing in further each time, until Jared feels the thick base press against his hole. It's not as wide or long as Jensen, but the prep has been perfunctory enough that Jared feels the stretch, how it makes his entire world narrow down to the sensation of the toy sliding into him.

Jensen twists it, drawing a long moan from Jared, and then he suddenly grabs Jared by the hips and pulls him back, onto his lap. Jared's breath catches, toppling back against him, and he feels the toy being pushed in even tighter as his ass hits Jensen's thighs.

Jensen's arms come around him, holding him tight, and he nuzzles Jared's neck. "You like that, baby?"

"Yes," Jared hisses.

"What about now?" Jensen asks, voice teasing, and Jared is confused for a second before the toy starts buzzing inside of him, and Jared arches back helplessly, a cry falling from his lips.

"Jensen," he keens, grabbing Jensen's arms. "Oh shit. Fuck."

Jensen chuckles into his ear, the sound vibrating against him along with the toy, and Jared whimpers, writhes on Jensen's lap. He's not really sure what to do, if he wants more or less, but the sensation is setting every nerve-ending inside of him alight.

"Touch yourself for me," Jensen murmurs. He shifts them, nudges Jared's legs even further apart, until he's splayed helplessly over his lap. "Make yourself come for me, baby."

Jared hiccups, and he realizes his eyes are wet, his breath coming out short and stuttered. Jensen kisses a path up his neck and Jared lets his head fall back onto his shoulder, reaching down for himself with a shaking hand. He shudders as he starts stroking himself, his balls already feeling tight, the tip of his cock wet with precome. 

Jensen slides a hand between his legs, fingers nudging at the toy, pressing, and Jared doesn't try to hold back the gasps and moans, the broken sounds he's making. 

"So pretty. So perfect for me," Jensen murmurs, his voice dark and raspy. "You always take everything I give you so beautifully, baby."

Jared freezes, every muscle in his body going tight before he shudders, as he comes with a hoarse cry.

Jensen doesn't let go, doesn't move them, and Jared's moans turn into whimpers, his whole body trembling. The toy is still vibrating inside of him, pressed against his prostate, and the aftershocks of pleasure quickly become too sharp, tipping over into overwhelming.

"Jen. Jensen," he says, the words slurred.

"Shh," Jensen says and then the vibrator finally stills, the low buzz stopping and leaving nothing but the sound of Jared's ragged breath behind. Boneless, he lets Jensen shift and move him, guide him back down onto the bed and turn him onto his back, each shift of the toy inside making Jared moan helplessly.

Jensen pulls it out of him, and Jared melts into the mattress, only to have Jensen push his legs up, against his chest, and then he sinks deep into Jared, filling him, stretching him wider than the toy had. The noise Jared makes is embarrassingly loud, fingers grappling at the sheets just for something to hold onto.

*

"Bet you don't even remember your own name right now," Jensen murmurs into his ear, sounding pleased.

Jared lets out a small hum, too tired and sated to answer. Strong arms slide around him, tug him back against Jensen's chest.

"Sleep, sweetheart," Jensen whispers and kisses the shell of his ear.

*

Jared wipes the condensation off the mirror with his hand.

There's a hickey on his collarbone that he doesn't remember Jensen putting there, but Jared will admit that he was pretty out of it toward the end last night. Usually, he'd have a hard time keeping his eyes off the mark, loving the way it makes him feel owned. Jensen is a possessive bastard and Jared _likes_ that. 

But his eyes stray back to his face instead, and he cocks his head to the side, studying his own features. He knows what he looks like, of course he does, but he's never really considered where he got any of his features from. For as long as he can remember, everyone has always told him he looks a lot like his mother. 

Jared knows it's true. He can see her in himself a lot – the slant of his eyes, the shape of his mouth, the sharpness if his cheekbones. But he isn't a carbon copy of her, and for the first time he wonders if he resembles his father too. He looks absolutely nothing like the man he thought was his father all his life, nothing like a _Padalecki_. 

Peering at his face a little closer, stomach twisting with nerves, Jared tries to find a resemblance to Jeff. They both have dimples, he thinks, and trails a finger over one of them.

"Are you just going to stare at yourself all day?" 

Jensen's voice startles Jared and he almost drops his towel, whirling around to find him standing in the doorway with a grin. He's wearing nothing but boxer-briefs, his hair still damp too. They'd showered together, but Jared had stayed under the hot spray for an extra few minutes, enjoying the way it had loosened his muscles.

"I get it—you're really pretty, sweetheart," Jensen continues.

Jared flushes. "Shut up," he mutters. 

Jensen pushes away from the doorjamb and crosses the distance between them. He stops behind Jared, wrapping his arms around him, and kisses his shoulder.

"Anything in particular that has caught your attention?" Jensen says. "Because I have a whole list of things I can share with you."

Jared snorts. "Maybe another time. I have to get to class," he says. 

Jensen skims his hand over the edge of Jared's towel, fingers playing over the knot for a second. "I have a meeting downtown to get to anyway."

"Can you drop me off at campus?" Jared asks and reaches for a comb. 

"You know, I have a whole garage full of cars. You can just pick one and have it," Jensen says.

Jared meets his eyes in the mirror for a second. "I can take the bus if you don't want to drop me off," he replies.

Jensen sighs. "Sweetheart, I didn't say I don't want to drop you off. I just said you can have your own car."

"I don't want you to give me a car," Jared says. "I was asking for a ride, not a present."

Jensen drops his arms from around him. "Fine, okay," he says, but Jared can hear the tension in his voice.

Money isn't something they have really talked about before. It all happened so fast, especially Jared moving in. In all honesty, Jared knows Jensen will have to take care of most of the bills. He has some money his mother had set aside for college for him, but his father had always been in control of their finances so it wasn't much. Jared had planned it out carefully so the money would get him through college, and the small apartment he'd lived in had already been a bit of a splurge. He has money now, the entire Padalecki fortune, but he doesn't want to touch that, isn't sure what to do with it yet.

He just knows he doesn't want Jensen to give him a freaking _car_. 

"I can drop you off," Jensen says and kisses his neck. "Let me know when you're ready to head out, sweetheart."

Jared slumps when Jensen walks out of the bathroom without so much as a backward glance and he wonders if he's pissed. It hadn't been an argument, not really, but he guesses finances might be one of the things they will inevitably butt heads over. It'd be hard not to – Jensen is filthy rich and Jared isn't, and while Jared isn't one to refuse having his boyfriends pay for his things, he has his limits. But Jensen is, well, _Jensen_ – controlling, bossy, always in charge Jensen. And he's enjoyed pampering Jared since day one, taking care of him in any way he can, and Jared supposes they need to find a middle ground somehow.

Sighing, he drops the comb again and follows Jensen out of the bathroom.

Jensen is standing in the middle of their walk-in closet, putting on a white button-down shirt, and Jared strolls up to him.

"How about a deal?" he suggests.

Jensen looks back at him, one eyebrow raised. "Careful, sweetheart, making deals is kinda my thing," he says, and the low tone of his voice makes heat settle in Jared's stomach.

He smiles and bats Jensen's hands away, starting to do up the buttons of his shirt for him, a little more slowly than necessary. "Well, I think you'll like mine. You drop me off for class and I'll let you take me out for a nice dinner tonight?" 

"Geez, how could I say no to that?" Jensen mocks.

Jared grins and shifts a little closer. "You can't, it's an incredible offer," he says, letting his fingers brush over Jensen's skin as he reaches for the next button. "And we've never been on a date, you know."

"No, we haven't," Jensen agrees.

"See? You get to take me out to some fancy place, show me off," Jared murmurs, because he knows Jensen wants to. Wants to show up with him on his arm, let the whole world see that Jared is his.

"If you let me send someone to come pick you up and let me pick your outfit, you have yourself a deal, sweetheart," Jensen says.

Jared grins. "Pleasure doing business with you, Ackles."

Jensen laughs and pulls him in for a kiss. "Your last class ends at three, right?"

"Hmm, make it four so I can get some stuff done in the library," Jared suggests.

"Okay. Chris will pick you up," Jensen says and then slaps Jared's butt playfully. "Now go get ready, unless you want me to make both of us late."

Jared salutes him and then steals another quick kiss.

*

Chris is unsurprisingly grumpy when he picks Jared up. "I like you, buddy, but if I get demoted to your fucking chauffeur, I'll take it out on your ass with my fucking knifes. Got it?"

Jared settles into the seat and puts on the seatbelt, grinning. "As if you'd ever hurt me," he says sweetly. 

"You're not as endearing as you think you are."

"Nah, but Jensen is fucking scary when you piss him off. And hurting me would kinda piss him off a tiny little bit, don't you think?" Jared teases, and Chris sends him another glare.

Back home, Chris follows him up to the apartment. "I'm supposed to tell you that Jensen has drawn a bath for you and to be ready by seven," he says.

Jared's lips twitch up into a smile, but before he can say something, mock Chris for delivering Jensen's messages to him now, Chris points at him.

"One word and I will kick your ass, Padalecki."

Jared mimes zipping his mouth shut, still smiling widely.

*

There's a box with a black bow wrapped around it sitting on their bed, probably Jared's outfit for the night, but Jared ignores it and heads straight for the bathroom.

Pillar candles are lining the sink, the lights turned off, and thick steam is rising from the bathtub, bubbles almost spilling over.

"I'm not a chick, Jensen," Jared mutters to himself, but his lips are turned up. He shucks off his clothes, letting them pool onto the floor, and steps into the tub, hissing a little at how hot the water feels.

He catches a look at himself in the big mirror that lines one side of the bathroom and for a split second, his gaze zeros in on his dimples, like it did this morning before Jensen interrupted him, but Jared quickly looks down. Tonight is about him and Jensen and there's no room for his questions.

Sighing, Jared sinks down into the water. Tipping his head back, he lets his eyes slide shut as he gets used to the heat, the bubbles making soft crackling sounds as they pop around him.

*

Jared has just finished—granted, somewhat unsuccessfully—taming his hair a little, when the doorbell rings. Puzzled, and hoping whoever it is won't ruin his and Jensen's plans for the night, he hurries towards the front door.

He peers through the peephole first and he frowns in confusion when he sees Jensen standing there. 

"Did you forget your keys?" Jared asks as he pulls the door open.

Jensen is dressed in a different suit than this morning, a slim fitted charcoal one, the first few buttons of his white dress shirt undone, and Jared's mouth goes a little dry.

"No. I just wanted to do this properly, so I'm knocking instead of waltzing in," Jensen says with a small smirk and then holds up a box. "I brought you something."

"Chocolates?" Jared grins a little. "Thank you, Jen."

"Are you ready to head off?" Jensen asks, looking Jared up and down once. "You look amazing."

"You have good taste in clothes," Jared admits, looking down at himself. His suit is gray too, but lighter than Jensen's, paired with a pale blue shirt. "And yeah, I'm ready. Just let me have one of these first?"

He holds the box up, smiling, and then fumbles to get it open. He surveys the display, picking a dark chocolate and pops it into his mouth, grinning at Jensen. 

"One sec," he says, while chewing, and quickly goes to place the box onto the kitchen counter before grabbing his cell phone and hurrying back to the door. "Okay, we can go."

Jensen reaches up and swipes his thumb over the corner of Jared's lips, probably wiping away chocolate, before stepping into Jared's personal space and kissing him.

He smells good, a hint of something dark and heavy that's not his usual cologne, and Jared feels a bit heady, leaning into the kiss with a sigh. 

"I think I really like going on dates with you," he murmurs, and Jensen slides his arm around his waist, his hand settling on Jared's hip. 

"Come on, gorgeous," he says, smiling.

Outside, Jensen has a limousine waiting for them, with a driver and one of his bodyguards. Jared didn't expect them to go out to dinner without security, so he does his best to ignore the guy as he slides into the back of the car.

"Where are we headed?" he asks.

"The Cellar," Jensen says, and then presses the button that opens the built-in cooler. "Champagne, sweetheart?"

"Fancy," Jared says, meaning both Jensen's choice of restaurant and the champagne he pulls out. Not that either surprises him—he knew, given the chance, Jensen would take him to one of the better places in the city and go all out. "And yes, please."

Jensen pops the bottle open as the car pulls off the curb and then pours them both a glass, handing one to Jared with a, "Here you go."

"Thank you," Jared says. "So, The Cellar. I probably don't want to know how you got a table there on such short notice."

"Probably not," Jensen agrees with a small grin and clinks his glass against Jared's. "Cheers, to a nice night out."

"Cheers," Jared echoes and takes a small sip. "I haven't had champagne in years."

"You can have something else if you don't like it," Jensen offers. "I just figured if we start with whiskey on an empty stomach the night will be over way sooner than I want it to be."

Jared laughs and shakes his head. "This is good," he says. "So, you have big plans for me tonight, huh?"

"Hmm, maybe," Jensen says and puts his hand on Jared's thigh, sliding it slowly up his legs.

*

They turn more than one head when the maitre d' walks them to their table. Jared isn't sure if it's because of Jensen or him—he's been all over the news lately after all, as the inheritor of the Padalecki estate—or the both of them together. Jensen doesn't seem bothered by it, and while Jared has never much liked attention, holding Jensen's hand, being Jensen's date for the night, feels nice.

Their table is tucked into a corner, giving them some privacy. Jensen pulls the chair out for him, his fingers skimming over the back of Jared's neck once Jared is seated, before he rounds the table to sit down across from him.

"Have you been here before?" Jensen asks when they're handed the menus.

Jared shakes his head. "It opened up just after I moved out, I think. I couldn't really afford places like this afterwards," he says. "So, what's good?"

"I've liked everything I've tried here so far," Jensen says. "It's my favorite restaurant in the city."

"Have you ever brought any other dates here?" Jared asks, his tone conversational. The idea sparks jealousy inside of him – he wouldn't be mad; he knows Jensen has a past and he's okay with that. They've talked about it. But somehow the thought of Jensen having dinner with someone irks him more than knowing Jensen fucked other people before him.

"Jared," Jensen says a little warily.

"I just wanna know, is all," Jared says. 

"Not here," Jensen replies. "I always took them somewhere flashier."

Jared looks at Jensen across the table and smiles. "Good answer, Mr. Ackles," he teases and then puts the menu down. "Remember the first night at the club? When you ordered a drink for me?"

"Of course I remember, sweetheart," Jensen says.

"Let's see if you're as good at picking out food for me," Jared challenges, raising his eyebrows. 

"What if I am?"

Jared puts his hand on the table, lets his finger brush up against Jensen's. "Then we do whatever you want later tonight," he says, grinning.

He has absolutely no doubt Jensen will pick something he'll love.

*

Jared wakes up with his face tucked into the curve of Jensen's neck, their legs tangled. It's too warm, the sun shining in through the open blinds, and he feels sweaty in a not so fun way. Still, he presses himself even closer into Jensen's warmth and hums, content.

He's a little sore and it makes him smile. Jensen barely waited until they were inside the apartment before he jumped Jared, and he ended up fucking Jared right there in the hallway, up against the wall, and then a second time in their bed.

"I can tell you're awake, sweetheart," Jensen murmurs. He strokes a hand down Jared's naked back and Jared pushes back into it with a soft sigh.

"Nu-uh," he mumbles, not yet ready to leave the warm comfort of their bed.

Jensen chuckles. "As much as I'd love to stay here with you all day, I actually have stuff to do."

Jared scoots back a little, tipping his head onto the pillow and squinting at Jensen through bleary eyes. "Work?" he asks, his voice thick with sleep.

"Mmm, Danneel and I have to go pay someone a little visit," Jensen says. 

"Now?"

Jensen palms his hip and drags him a little closer again. "Not right this second, but in a bit, yeah," he says.

"Sucks," Jared says and shuffles closer again, sliding his arm around Jensen's waist and nudging one leg between Jensen's. "Last night was pretty great."

"Yeah, I had fun," Jensen says, grin obvious in his tone. 

"I'm not just talking about the sex," Jared scowls playfully, and Jensen laughs.

"Hmm, you're right, I guess going out to dinner with a beautiful guy wasn't too bad either," he admits. "We should do it again sometime."

"Still a bit weird that we can," Jared admits. "I kinda got used to having to hide this."

"Not anymore, Jay. Never again," Jensen murmurs. "You're all mine now."

"I am," Jared agrees, smiling a little. "But I always have been, right?"

"Always," Jensen confirms.

*

Jared isn't sure what makes the idea pop into his head.

Without Jensen there to entertain him and with no work to do for his classes, for once, he has nothing but time to think. About Jeff's suspicion, about his father, about the photos he found among his mother's things. They don't have to mean anything, Jared knows that, but they could. They _could_ and what if they do?

The thought doesn't let Jared go and it's driving him crazy. He's not really sure what to do about it—short of stealing a hair from Jeff somehow and running a DNA-test, but that's a little too soap opera for Jared. 

He wonders if his father knew something, but the last place Jared wants to go is back to the house he grew up in. All the things have probably already been boxed up and stored somewhere, or trashed, the way he asked them to be. 

And the only other place he knows to start, the only other person – other than Jeff – who might have some information that Jared has access to is Jensen. He knows Jensen, knows how guys like Jensen operate because he was raised by someone like him, and he knows Jensen never would have trusted Jeff without finding out every last detail about him first, and he has no doubt that Jensen has a file on him somewhere. Just like there once was a file about him and his mother, and Jared wouldn't be surprised if those still exist too.

He guesses they're somewhere in Jensen's office. And Jared knows where he keeps a spare key.

*

Jensen isn't an idiot and he doesn't blindly trust people, not even the ones who work for him, so there's a security guard outside the door to his office a few floors down from their apartment.

Jared expects to have to make up an excuse and talk his way into the office, but when he walks up with the key in his hand and gives the guy a nonchalant smile, he just gets a nod in return.

"Morning," Jared greets casually.

"Good morning, Mr. Padalecki," the guy says, a bit stiffly, and he doesn't stop Jared when he goes to unlock the door, doesn't question Jared.

Jared lets himself in and, once the door has closed behind him again, he lets out a loud exhale.

"Okay," he says to himself and looks around, trying to figure out where Jensen might keep files on the people who work for him. His office is just one room and a bathroom, but it's pretty big and there are dark shelves lining two of the four walls, cabinets along another one, and Jensen's huge, beautiful desk with way too many drawers overlooking the room from the wall with the – bullet-proof, of course – windows. Jared knows there's a safe behind the big mirror above the dressers, and if anything is in there he's going to be out of luck because he doesn't know the combination.

Deciding to work his way through the room from one side to the other, Jared starts with the desk. Some of the drawers are locked and Jared can't see keys anywhere, so he ignores them for now and starts rifling through the papers in there. 

He looks through the shelves next, glad to find most of the folders there labeled neatly, and Jared skims them, pulling a few out just to make sure they actually contain what the labels say. Some of the cabinets are locked too, making Jared curse under his breath more than once, wondering if what he needs is in any of them, so close yet out of reach.

"Can I maybe help you?"

Jared turns around, his heart pounding in his chest. Jensen's tone is cheerful, controlled, and Jared knows it's all for show. The smile slips off Jensen's face just as he shuts the door to his office behind him.

"It's not what you think," Jared manages.

"Really? 'Cause it looks like you stole a key to my office, snuck in here and are looking through my files for god knows what," Jensen says, and his tone is sharp now. Dangerous. 

"Jensen," Jared says, a little desperate. "Please let me explain."

Jensen waves his hand, a "go ahead" gesture, but he doesn't relax. Doesn't let his guard down. 

"I'm sorry," Jared starts, and he feels like something inside him is about to burst, knows he just fucked up epically, in ways he didn't think he could. "It was stupid. I _know_ that. I was looking for a file—"

He takes a step closer, but Jensen shakes his head sharply, interrupts him, "Don't get any closer to me right now, Jared. I know I said I'd never hurt you, but I'm not so sure about that right now," he says lowly. "And I'm not sure I know who the fuck you are right now either, because you're apparently not the guy I thought you were."

"I _am_ ," Jared argues and doesn't stop, takes another few steps. "I was looking for a file on Jeff."

"Jeff?" Jensen repeats. "Why, Jared? What could be in his file that's so important for you that you would go behind my back?"

"I don't know," Jared admits.

The answer seems to puzzle Jensen, who draws his brows together. "What?"

"I don't really know what I'm looking for," Jared clarifies, slumping a little. "I found these photos among my mom's stuff, of her and Jeff. I just thought maybe..."

"They were friends, Jared, you know that," Jensen says, and Jared nods.

"I know. But I think maybe there was more," he says. "And that could mean... Jeff could be..."

"You think if I knew something like that, I wouldn't have told you?"

"No. Of course not," Jared says. "I thought maybe there'd be something you overlooked before. Some kind of hint, you know?"

"And you couldn't have just asked me for the damn file?" Jensen snaps. "Jesus fucking Christ, Jared. You _know_ I would have given it to you. And yet you thought this was better? Going behind my back and breaking into my office?"

"I wasn't thinking, okay?" Jared replies. "And I didn't break in. I had a key and your guard let me in."

"And what am I supposed to do about him now, huh? Have you thought about that?" Jensen asks, stepping closer, right up to Jared. "He had clear orders to never let anyone in here without my okay, but he did. And if I so much as reprimand him for it, people will know you snuck in here. Fuck, Jared, just a few weeks ago one of my guys tried to kill you because he didn't trust you. Are you trying to cause more problems for yourself, huh?"

"I'm sorry, Jensen," Jared repeats.

"Yeah, well, good for you. You should have thought about that sooner," Jensen says. He brushes past Jared and goes to unlock one of the cabinets. He pulls out a file and hands it to Jared with so much force, it slaps against his shoulder. "Anything else?"

Jared swallows, hating himself for asking, but knowing he has to know what the files say for himself. "My mom's and mine," he says meekly.

Jensen huffs out a laugh, no humor in his voice, and hands Jared two more files a few moments later. "Get out of my sight. Now," he says, and Jared doesn't look at him as he nods.

*

The thing is, Jared knew there probably wouldn't be anything in the files. He'd hoped there would be—an off-handed mention of something or someone that Jensen would have overlooked, something that would only sound suspicious now that they know Jared might not be his father's biological son.

But there's nothing in the files. 

Jared might have just ruined his relationship for absolutely nothing.

The thought makes his chest constrict, makes it hard for him to breathe. He wasn't thinking when he snuck into the office, but looking back at it now he knows how monumentally stupid it was. Even if he'd found something, even if one of the files had spelled out who his father is in bright red letters, it wouldn't have been worth losing Jensen over.

Nothing ever would be.

Jared doesn't think he can live without Jensen. His world has been flipped upside down—again—in the past few months and Jensen is the center of his entire life now. Jared loves him. Loves him so much, in ways he never expected to love someone, and he honestly doesn't know what he'll do if Jensen doesn't forgive him.

And Jared is so damn stupid for risking what they have. He knows Jensen, above all else, values trust and loyalty. And his trust doesn't come easily. 

But Jared will do anything to fix this, to get Jensen to forgive him.

*

Jared isn't sure what one does after betraying their partner the way he did. He doubts cooking them dinner is the magical fix-it he's looking for, but it's what he starts with anyway. Being hungry on top of being mad probably wouldn't make Jensen any more likely to forgive Jared any time soon.

He's finished setting the table, potatoes in the oven and steak marinating, by the time Jensen finally comes home.

He surveys Jared's handiwork for a moment before looking at Jared.

"I made dinner," Jared says quietly, feeling more nervous than he ever has around Jensen before.

"Yeah, I can see that," Jensen says. He takes a few steps forward, towards Jared, and Jared takes that as a good sign. Jensen doesn't look like he's about to kill him or kick him out on the street—and really, neither reaction would have surprised Jared. Murder might seem a little extreme, but it's _Jensen_ and Jared knows how people like him deal with betrayal. Even when it's someone they love – or perhaps especially when it's someone they love.

"I'm sorry," Jared says, still not daring to raise his voice much. "I know I fucked up."

Jensen gets closer still, doesn't stop until he's right in front of Jared. He cups Jared's face and looks at him. "Yeah, you kinda did," he admits, and the words hurt to hear, even though Jared knew they were coming.

"I shouldn't have gone behind your back. And I really shouldn't have snuck into your office," he continues. 

"No. What you should have done is talked to me," Jensen says, hands falling from Jared's cheeks to his neck. "Dammit, Jared, I would give you anything you ask for. How the hell can you not know that yet?"

"I do," Jared says, shaking his head. 

"Then why didn't you come to me?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I know this whole thing is stupid. And you think I'm this amazing, perfect guy and I want to be that for you," Jared says. "I don't want you to know how fucked up I am."

"Sweetheart, you can be as fucked up as you want to be. I'll still think you're perfect," Jensen says, giving him a soft smile that makes Jared's heartache and hope bloom in his chest at the same time.

Jensen is still smiling at him, still touching him and talking to him, and that means he hasn't fucked things up completely. 

"Have I mentioned I'm sorry? I'll fix this. I'll make it up to you," Jared promises, turning his face so his lips can brush against Jensen's wrist. "I'll do anything to make this right again, Jen."

"We're okay," Jensen murmurs and guides Jared's face back towards his. He leans in and catches Jared's lips in a kiss that's almost sweet. "We're okay."

Jared nods, his eyes burning a little with the overwhelming relief he feels at those words. "Dinner," he manages. "I need to make the steaks."

Jensen gives him a sly smile. "I think we should have dessert first," he says. "Make-up sex is the only good thing about fighting, sweetheart."

He takes Jared by the hips, not waiting for an answer, and backs him up against the counter. Jared feels the cool granite digging into his butt and he wraps his arms around Jensen's neck for balance, but his smile is a little hesitant.

"Don't you want dinner?" he asks.

Jensen cocks his head to the side and regards him silently. "Don't you wanna fuck?" he asks, voice low in that way that never fails to arouse Jared, send his blood rushing south.

"Of course I do. Always," he starts, feeling his resolve weaken already.

"But?" Jensen prods

"Maybe I don't deserve this," Jared says quietly.

"Hmmm. That so? What _do_ you deserve? For me to not give you what you want, to leave you hanging for a while?" Jensen asks and the smirk he gives Jared is slow. "Or do you want me to punish you, sweetheart?"

The words surprise Jared, and even more so the shaky exhale that falls from his lips. He flushes, cheeks growing hot at what Jensen is suggesting, and he swallows thickly. "Jensen," he breathes.

Jensen's grin gets dirtier, if possible, and he slides his hands a little higher, pushing Jared's shirt up a couple of inches, warm fingers skimming over Jared's skin. "You want me to bend you over this counter and spank that pretty little ass of yours before I fuck you?" he asks.

They've never done this. Haven't really talked about it either, and until a few seconds ago Jared wouldn't have known if that's something he's into. But he likes a little pain with his pleasure and it's _Jensen_ , and just the thought leaves him a little breathless, his cock painfully hard now.

"Y—yeah," he manages.

Jensen hums. "Have you ever done that with anyone, Jay?" he asks.

Jared gives a quick shake of his head, hair falling into his face, and Jensen pushes it back, tucking the strands behind Jared's ear. "Not if getting spanked as a kid doesn't count," Jared says and Jensen laughs.

"No, I wouldn't say that counts," he says, then pauses, his fingers trailing over Jared's jaw. "I love you, baby. And this is just for fun, okay?"

"I know," Jared says and nods, anticipation coiling tightly in his stomach. 

Jensen kisses Jared, gently at first and then again, harder, deeper, until Jared is letting out little moans against Jensen's mouth. Jensen pulls back then, nudging Jared to turn around. 

Jared's heart is hammering in his chest as he places his hands on the countertop, the stone surface cold against his suddenly sweaty palms. 

"You can tell me to stop anytime," Jensen murmurs, and Jared gives a shaky nod. Jensen slides his arms around him, kisses the back of Jared's neck as he undoes his jeans and Jared bites his lips to keep in the whimper that's threatening to escape.

They've done a lot of things, but Jared doesn't think he's ever been this nervous and excited at the same time. 

Jensen pulls Jared's pants and underwear down all at once, leaves them tangled around Jared's knees. With a hand on the small of his back, he guides Jared forward, makes him bend over until his ass is pushed out.

Both of his hands curve around Jared's waist and then—slowly, teasingly—he slides them down, cupping Jared's cheeks.

"Jensen," Jared pants.

"Yes, baby?" Jensen asks, and then before Jared can say anything more, he slaps Jared's right cheek. Jared gasps, more out of surprise than because it hurts—the sting is there, but it fades quickly, and Jared doesn't even think before he pushes his ass back, silently asking for more.

Jensen delivers. His hand feels hot as it connects with Jared's skin, once, twice, and then twice more on the other cheek. Jared dips down lower, moves back into every swat, as he lets out punched-out, needy cries.

"Okay?" Jensen asks, momentarily stopping, and Jared wants to laugh, because this is a man who ruthlessly kills and tortures, but all he can do is nod is head and arch back, hands gripping the edge of the countertop.

"Please," he begs. 

"Fuck, baby, you look so pretty like this. You're so fucking good for me," Jensen says, and he sounds almost as affected as Jared feels. He thinks he could come from this, from being bent over and getting his ass spanked, and the thought sends a dirty, hot thrill through him.

"More, Jensen. More," he pants. "Oh fuck, _please_."

He gets more. And he stops counting then, lets himself be consumed by the exquisite pain and startling pleasure and the heat of Jensen's hand. Jared knows not a lot of time could have passed, knows Jensen is going easy on him, but he feels like he's lost any thread of control when Jensen stops, his cheeks wet with tears and his ass hot from the spanking, and he's so close to coming. So close to falling apart, and he _needs_ it. Needs it so much his entire body is aching with it.

"Jen, please. Please, please, please," he begs helplessly, and then Jensen sinks down onto his knees behind him. Jared's forehead falls down against the countertop, his legs trembling, as Jensen pulls his cheeks apart, his hands gripping Jared's tender cheeks tightly. His tongue is wet and hot as he licks a long stripe up between Jared's cheeks and Jared cries out at the pleasure it sparks inside of him, different than the one before, softer and yet sharper all at once.

"Oh fuck," he hisses, and yelps when he feels the graze of Jensen's teeth before he flattens his tongue over his hole, giving it a few small licks before he starts circling it with just the tip. His hands squeeze Jared more tightly, fingers digging into flesh and it hurts and feels amazing. When the tip of Jensen's tongue wiggles in, Jared knows he's not going to last much longer.

He feels raw and tender, teetering on an edge, and he moans against the countertop. 

"Jensen. I'm going to—to," he starts. And Jensen stops, draws back.

"Not quite yet," he says, and Jared wants to cry.

"Please," he moans. 

"Shhh," Jensen hushes and then he rubs his cheek against Jared's ass, stubble prickling Jared's skin, making him whimper. Jensen kisses the same spot, then bites at it.

"Fuck," Jared spits out. "Just let me come. Fuck, Jensen, please make me come."

"I'll get you there. Always do," Jensen says, and a few short, torturous moments later, Jared feels Jensen's spit-slick fingers nudge against his hole. Jared lets his legs fall open wider and moans, loud and drawn out, when Jensen sinks two fingers deep into him. 

"Yeah. Yeah," he says, rocking his hips right back into it, enjoying the way it burns. Jensen works his fingers in and out a few times, and then his tongue is back, sliding wetly over the place where their bodies are connected. 

"Do it, sweetheart," he murmurs, words muffled, and then rubs over Jared's prostate. It's too much, finally, and Jared comes with a sound that's embarrassingly close to a sob, shuddering and shaking, the pleasure making his head spin.

Slumped over the counter, now warm from his own body heat, Jared lets the aftershocks course through him, his breath ragged. "Fuck," he murmurs.

He hears Jensen snicker and then warm lips are at the top of his spine, kissing him through his t-shirt, Jensen's body leaning over his. "Stay right here, baby," he murmurs, the warmth of his body gone again.

Heat settles in Jared's stomach, knowing there's more to come, the hum of arousal less urgent but no less exciting now. He pushes himself up, his dick already filling again.

Jensen isn't gone for more than a few seconds, and he steps right up behind Jared again, winding his arms around his waist. He's holding a bottle of lube in one hand, and noses at Jared's neck.

"Think you can stay like this, right here, while I fuck you, sweetheart?" he asks. His hips are pressed flush against Jared's ass, the fabric of his slacks rubbing against Jared's skin, and Jared is pretty sure he's never going to want to be anywhere else ever again.

He cranes his neck back and meets Jensen's lips in a sloppy, slightly awkward kiss in reply, and rubs his ass against Jensen's crotch. It stings and Jensen is big and hard, and Jared breaks the kiss with a soft moan.

"Fuck me," he demands, and Jensen snorts. He pushes Jared forward a little again, hand between his shoulder blades, and Jared puts his hands back onto the hard surface, dipping his head down. 

Jensen finishes working him open quickly, his fingers cold with the lube before their body heat warms it up, twisting and curling inside of Jared, stretching him. Jared is fully hard by the time Jensen lines himself up and he shudders, his moan coming out stuttered, as Jensen sinks into him, not stopping until he's buried deep. 

Hands gripping Jared's hips, Jensen fucks Jared, each thrust sharp and sure, Jared's hands slipping and sliding on the counter. Leaning over him, Jensen kisses Jared under his ear, then bites at his jaw. 

"So good," he murmurs, raspily. His thrusts slow down, turning into grinding that leaves Jared stuffed and full.

"Jensen," Jared moans.

Jensen buries one hand in Jared's hair, tugging, pulling his head back and making Jared gasp. He bites at Jared's jaw again, then sucks at the same spot. "Touch yourself, Jared. Make yourself come again," he says.

The muscles in Jared's left arm tremble, the only arm holding him up now as he brings his right hand to his cock. His movement is jerky, uncoordinated, as he starts stroking himself fast and a little desperately. But with Jensen so thick and hard inside of him, rutting into him over and over, making quiet, breathless sounds, lips slipping over Jared's jaw, his neck, he knows it won't take much. He feels the pleasure built, spiraling higher and higher. 

"Yeah. Good boy," Jensen praises. "So damn good, baby. Nothing's ever felt better than you, sweetheart."

" _Jensen_ ," Jared groans. 

"Fuck," Jensen hisses. He pushes in, harder, once, twice and then bites down on Jared's shoulder. Jared feels him come, spill hot and sticky inside of him, and he shudders and moans through his second orgasm, Jensen's arms the only thing holding him up at this point.

*

The potatoes are burned beyond saving. Something Jared doesn't realize until Jensen points it out, and he feels like a failure for all of two seconds before Jensen laughs and slaps his ass.

He tugs Jared into his arms, until Jared's face is buried in his neck, and kisses the shell of his ear. "I don't think you'd be able to sit down tonight anyway, hmm?"

Jared flushes, cheeks burning, but he can't deny it's true. His ass feels hot and sore in the most amazing way, but he has no doubt sitting down on a chair would be torture right now.

"Let's order something in and eat in bed," Jensen says. 

"Yeah, okay," Jared agrees, but he doesn't move out of Jensen's embrace for a few moments longer, soaking up his warmth. His forgiveness.

*

"Did you find something in the files?" Jensen asks. He twirls a strand of Jared's hair around his finger, giving it a playful tug. They're lying in bed, side by side, facing each other. Outside, the sky has gone murky gray with a sliver of pink still at the horizon.

"No," Jared admits sheepishly and sighs. "I was being an idiot, thinking I would, huh?"

"They were friends; Jeff was close to both of your parents, sweetheart. Those photos don't have to mean anything," Jensen says quietly, softly, like he thinks hearing those words might hurt Jared. And Jared can't even deny that they sting a little. "Hell, Jeff might be way off about someone else being your dad anyway. Your father might have been able to have children at one point or just been unlikely to conceive but gotten lucky once."

"You think he's wrong about the whole thing," Jared guesses.

"Maybe, maybe not. But if he's right, it could be anyone. And it might be someone who isn't much better than your father," Jensen says, kissing Jared softly. Under the covers, he slides their legs together, his touch, his closeness, offering Jared silent comfort.

"Wouldn't you want to know anyway if you were in my shoes?" Jared asks, meeting Jensen's eyes. "It's been driving me a little crazy, Jen. Not knowing."

"I guess. I don't know," Jensen says. "But I get the feeling you want for it to be Jeff. You already know what you want to find out, Jay. And I worry that you might not end up liking the answer you'll get."

Jared stays quiet, mulling over those words. He knows Jensen has a point. There were people his parents— _both of them_ – associated with that Jared wouldn't want to be related to any more than to his father. But there are guys, guys like Jeff, who would be better. Jeff, who was there for him, loved him, spent more time with him than his father ever did. And it's not wrong to want someone more like him to be his father. Someone who cared for him at least a little bit.

"Jared," Jensen murmurs and rubs a thumb over his cheekbone. "Baby. If this is what you want, what you need, I'll see what I can do to help you find some answers."

"But?" Jared asks, because he can tell by the tone of Jensen's voice that there are stipulations.

Jensen gives him a small smile. "I need you to be sure," he says. "I need you to think about it. If Jeff is right and this comes to light, we're gonna have a whole other slew of problems on our hands than who your daddy dearest is."

"Because I won't be a Padalecki," Jared says. "So I wouldn't be my father's heir."

It's not something he's really thought about until now. Things aren't perfect yet, but Jensen has things pretty much under control. Jared hasn't asked for details, but he knows his father's men have mostly been taken care of – they've either joined Jensen's ranks or been eliminated. But there are always others – always someone lurking and waiting, ready to attack. Waiting for the right opportunity. Jensen isn't invincible, and if Jared isn't a Padalecki then there might be someone showing up who would claim to be.

"Yeah. Some people would probably see it that way," Jensen says.

Jared exhales. "I don't wanna create problems for us, Jensen," he says quietly. "I just... want to know."

Jensen gives him a tight smile. "Well, I think it's one or the other, sweetheart," he says. He slides his hand down, curves it around the side of Jared's face, and rubs a thumb over his lower lip.

"Maybe you should talk to Jeff," he says. "I'm guessing you haven't?"

"What would I say?" Jared asks and then adds in a falsetto voice, "Are you my daddy, Jeff?"

Jensen gives him a little grin. "Those are words I can honestly say I never thought I'd hear you say in our bed," he says. "Can't say they're doing much for me, either."

Jared makes a face. "Gross, Jensen."

"Hmm, you know that bitchy little face you make when I say stuff like that? _That_ kinda _does_ turn me on," Jensen says and shifts closer, bringing their mouths together.

Jared grins against his mouth, hiking one leg up higher over Jensen's. They're close enough that their cocks rub together now, both half-hard. "You know," Jared mumbles against Jensen's mouth. "I thought your libido sank with age."

Jensen makes a noise and bites at Jared's lip, tugging at it with his teeth before drawing back. "Are you trying to earn yourself another spanking, sweetheart?"

Jared rocks against Jensen. "Not tonight," he says honestly.

Jensen slides his hand down Jared's back, palms his ass and then pinches his cheek, making Jared gasp. "Then be a good boy, baby."

Jared hums. "Fuck me," he murmurs.

Jensen chuckles, nosing at his jaw and reaching past Jared for the nightstand. Jared grabs his wrist before he can get very far.

"I'm good," he says. "You can just... I'm still open."

Jensen pulls away a little and looks at him. He doesn't ask if Jared is sure, just meets his eyes and then pulls Jared into a rough kiss. Jared holds on to him, clutching at his shoulders, breath already coming a little short. When Jensen breaks the kiss and spits into his hand, Jared groans quietly and hitches his leg up higher, curving it around Jensen's waist as Jensen nudges him onto his back.

He feels big as he nudges up against his hole, thick and heavy as he presses in, and it stings, making Jared hiss and moan at the same time. 

"Sweetheart," Jensen whispers, and for a moment, Jared worries he'll stop.

"No, wanna feel it," he says. "Wanna feel it for days. _Please_."

"Oh, you'll feel it," Jensen says, gripping Jared's thigh and holding him open as he sinks in all the way with a deep thrust. "This what you want, baby? Want me to make you ache all day long tomorrow and remember who you belong to?"

"Yes," Jared says honestly, grabbing for Jensen's biceps. "Do it."

And Jensen does. The burn fades, but Jared still feels the stretch, feels split open by Jensen's cock until it's all he can feel, all he can think about, the initial pain giving way for a pleasure so overwhelming Jared feels like he's going to burst with it.

*

Later, with his head tucked under Jensen's chin, sprawled half on top of him, Jared smiles sleepily. "I love you," he says.

"Yeah," Jensen says and kisses the top of his head. "I know, sweetheart."

*

Jensen tastes like coffee and strawberries, and Jared hums happily as he kisses him, slow and languid.

"We should start every day like this," he says when they part. "Fuck university. Fuck the mob."

Jensen smiles. "Tempting," he admits, and shifts Jared on his lap, his hand curving around Jared's hip. "How's your ass doing, baby? Sore?"

"Hmm, yeah," Jared says and grins. "In the best way possible."

"What did I do to deserve you, huh?"

Jared is leaning in for another kiss when a sharp knock at the front door interrupts him. He looks up, to the short hallway leading to the door at the other end of the apartment, and then back at the table heaped with a breakfast spread they've barely touched.

"You said no work today," he reminds Jensen, not unkindly. He knows how these things are—but he'd really like having just one day with Jensen where neither of them has anything to do, where they can stay inside together all day.

Jensen is frowning, but he nudges Jared off his lap. "I'll get rid of whoever it is," he says and gives Jared a quick peck before getting up. He's dressed casually today, in dark jeans and a button-down instead of a suit, and Jared watches the way his ass moves under the fabric as he crosses the open space of the living-room and kitchen. He grabs a gun from the dresser before moving to the door.

Jensen peers through the peephole and Jared sees the way his body relaxes, before he pulls open the door. "Danneel, come on in," he says. "Lovely to be interrupted by you this morning."

"Yeah, yeah," Danneel says and pushes past Jensen, her lithe body slipping past him easily. She smiles when her eyes settle on Jared. 

"Anything we can help you with?" Jensen asks.

"I just wanted to check to see if you're still alive," Danneel says and grins, crossing the room. She steals a strawberry from the table and pops it into her mouth. "I'm glad you seem to be in one piece, Jay, babe."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jared asks. 

"Rumor has it you two got into a fight yesterday," Danneel says with a shrug. 

Jensen catches Jared around the waist and draws him close, and Jared turns to see him looking at Danneel with narrowed eyes.

"Hey," Danneel says. "Don't kill the messenger. I didn't start the rumor, didn't spread it either. But it was brought to my attention and I thought I'd see if you two are okay."

"We're just fine," Jensen says, and Jared skims his fingers down Jensen's knuckles, knowing how much Jensen hates it when his people talk about him behind his back. 

"I can see that," Danneel says and her gaze falls to Jared's neck for a second. 

Jared covers his neck with his hand, knowing there are a couple of bitemarks there. 

"Well," Jensen says behind him. "You came, you saw, you can leave."

Danneel shrugs. "Fine. Want me to cut Stephen's balls off?"

It's the name of the guy who guards Jensen's office, the one who was there the day before and let Jared in, Jared remembers.

"I'll handle it," Jensen says. 

Danneel nods, snags another strawberry. "Bye guys," she says cheerfully.

Jared waits until she's gone, the door shutting with a snick behind her, before he turns in Jensen's embrace. "Sorry," he murmurs, nuzzling Jensen's jaw.

"What for?"

"It's my fault people are talking about you," Jared says and pulls back just enough so he can rest their foreheads together. 

"Hmm, well, at least I have something I can reprimand Stephen for now. I have a new set of knives I've been dying to test out anyway."

"Jensen," Jared murmurs.

"Don't worry. I'll just hurt him a little, baby. Just enough to teach him to keep his mouth shut from now on," Jensen says.

"Right now?" Jared asks, and Jensen hums.

"Nah, later," he says and brushes their lips together. "Much, much later, I think."

*

"Hey, Jared, wait up."

Jared is just pushing the door to the apartment open and he turns to find Jeff striding towards him. It's a little weird, seeing him, making Jared's stomach twist in a weird way.

"Hey. Everything okay?" he asks, trying to sound casual.

Jeff rubs his hands together, looking a little nervous. "Jensen told me to come talk to you."

"Oh."

"He said you have questions," Jeff says. "About your father."

The words are pointed, and Jared nods mutely. "Let's go inside," he suggests.

Jeff nods and Jared lets him inside the apartment first, noting the way Jeff's eyes sweep the room, checking, before he relaxes. Jared drops his backpack onto the ground, and then waves Jeff towards the couch.

He sits down in the armchair and clears his throat. "So."

"You have questions, huh?" Jeff asks, then snorts. "Should have known you would have."

"Yeah," Jared says, then bites down onto his bottom lip.

"Jared. I don't _know_ , okay," Jeff says quietly. "I've had my suspicion for years. Your mother, I think, did too, but we never really talked about it."

Jared nods once and then meets Jeff's gaze head on. "Did you and my mom ever... you know."

Jeff sighs. "Your mom was real special, kid. I adored her," he says and gives a wry smile. "And I was young and stupid and really, really reckless."

Jared exhales, his heart beating heavily in his chest. "Did you," he starts. "I mean, were you, you know, around the time she got pregnant."

Jeff looks at him, and Jared thinks his expression looks a little pained. "We were," Jeff finally says, and Jared isn't sure what to feel. What to say.

"Oh," finally escapes him.

"Jared. Whatever it was between your parents, it fizzled out pretty quickly. Your father's affairs were never a secret, and your mom... well, she never understood why the hell she should be more faithful than he was," Jeff says. "She was more careful about it, but I wasn't the only one. I think, as far as she was concerned, she was free to do what she wanted the moment your father started sleeping around on her."

Jared had guessed, after what Jeff had told him, that his mother had a few affairs. He'd never known, growing up, and hearing it makes him feel a little weird now. It's like he's discovering a side of his mom he never knew before, something that was kept from him, and it hurts more than he will admit to Jeff.

"But you could be," he presses on.

Jeff shrugs. "I don't know, kid. Maybe," he says. "But I think sometimes it's better not to know. Some things should be left alone."

The words feel like a punch in the gut and Jared can guess it shows on his face. He's never been good at hiding his emotions, never been good at putting on an act. "You don't want to know."

"Jared, I love you, kid. I know I didn't always show it, but I always cared about you a great deal. And I cared about your mother," Jeff says warily. "But I'm not father material, Jay. Never have been."

Jared gives a sharp nod, his chest aching a little, like there's something that wants out, pressing at his insides. "Right," he forces himself to say.

"I'm sorry, Jared," Jeff says. "I wish I could have told you something else. But I don't know anything."

And in case it's him, he doesn't ever want to find out. And as much as Jared wants to force the issue, he knows he won't. 

"'s alright," he lies. 

Jeff sighs. "Jared."

"You know, I have a lot of stuff to do for school," Jared says, forcing a weak smile onto his face. "But thanks for talking to me."

Jeff looks like he wants to say more, but then he nods. "Okay, kid. I'll leave you alone," he says. He gets up and he reaches out, cupping the back of Jared's neck for a moment, before letting his hand fall down. "Let the past be the past, Jay. I think it's better for all of us if we just move on."

"Yeah, okay," Jared agrees, and he sounds hollow. 

Jensen was right, he thinks bitterly. There was one answer he wanted and he didn't get it, and now he feels worse than he did before.

*

"Hey," Jensen greets when he comes home a few hours later. "Homework?"

"Reading," Jared says, nodding, not looking up from the text book in his lap. The one he's been staring at blankly for the past hour or so.

Jensen sits down beside him, and Jared frowns when he takes the textbook and puts it on the coffee table. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Jeff came to talk to me," Jared says, and shrugs helplessly, not sure how to put what he feels into words. The way Jeff’s rejection stings, the disappointment, and how foolish he feels how much he now realizes he got his hopes up. 

"So, he's not your father?" Jensen guesses.

Jared snorts. "Could be," he says and meets Jensen's eyes. "He doesn't wanna know. Thinks it's better that way."

Jensen's jaw clenches visibly.

"Don't," Jared says.

"Don't what?"

"Get mad at him. You basically feel the same way he does, Jensen – it's better not to know some things sometimes," Jared says. 

"Doesn't mean I have to like that he hurt you, sweetheart."

Jared nods, looking down at his hands. He picks at a cuticle, feeling his eyes start to burn. He hasn't cried, but now that Jensen is here he feels it coming. "Is there something wrong with me?" he asks. "Nobody ever fucking wants me. Not my father, not Jeff."

Jensen slides an arm around him and pulls him against him. "Hey, I want you more than anything," he says. 

Jared huffs, but he's smiling a little now. "Yeah, you do," he admits and presses his nose into the curve of Jensen's neck, sniffling a little. "I just feel... untethered, I guess."

"Hmm?" Jensen hums and drags a hand up Jared's back, sliding his fingers into his hair.

"I don't really feel like a Padalecki anymore. And I'm not Jeff's kid either, even if I could be biologically," Jared explains. "Feels like I'm nothing."

Jensen is quiet for a moment, then he kisses Jared's temple. "Well, you could be an Ackles, sweetheart."

"Yeah? How'd that work," Jared starts and then stops. He pulls back, realization making his eyes go wide. "Jensen?"

Jensen gives him a small smile. 

"Are you seriously asking...?"

"You to be my husband?" Jensen asks. "Yes, I am. It's not an outrageous suggestion, I'd say."

"Oh," Jared says, and then feels his eyes starting to water again. He smiles when Jensen cups his neck and drags him in for a small kiss. "Jensen."

"What do you say? Yes or no, baby?"

Jared exhales, grabbing Jensen's arms with hands that are suddenly trembling. "No," he says quietly.

He feels Jensen still, tense. 

"Jensen, I want to. I really do. I love you more than fucking anything in the world," Jared says quickly. "But I don't want it to happen like this. I want you to ask me because you want to marry me. Not because I'm upset and you want to fix things."

"Right. Okay," Jensen says.

"I'm sorry," Jared says and wipes at his eyes. "I love you. I love you, okay?"

Jensen nods and then gets up. Jared feels helpless, but he stays where he is, heart squeezing in his chest. He wants to take it back, to tell Jensen that of course he wants or marry him. But he knows he'd always wonder if Jensen asked him because he wanted to, if he asked for the right reasons. 

He watches Jensen cross the room, to the mirror hanging above a dresser on the wall behind the couch. Jared knows there's a safe behind it and he looks on, confused, as Jensen takes the mirror down and types in the combination to the safe.

"Jen, what are you doing?"

Jensen pulls something out and then returns to the couch. He sits down, expression unreadable, and hands Jared a small, black ring box.

"Jensen? What is this?" Jared asks.

"You don't have to say yes, sweetheart. You're right, this isn't the right time and place. So I'll ask you again and do it right next time," Jensen says. "But I don't want you to think I asked you just to fix things. That I haven't thought about this before and made plans for this."

"How long have you had this?" Jared asks, fiddling a little with the box but not daring to open it.

"I got it after the first night we spent together," Jensen says and Jared gapes at him. Jensen smiles and takes Jared's chin in his hand, between his forefinger and thumb. "Sweetheart, I told you it was you and me the morning after. I meant it."

"You know that's slightly insane?" Jared asks.

"Hmm, I'm pretty sure most people would agree I'm insane," Jensen says. "But you were mine since day one, sweetheart, and I'll ask you as often as I have to until I get it right and you say yes."

"You don't have to," Jared says and gives a little shaky laugh. He slides onto Jensen's lap, box still in his hand, and kisses him. "I take back the no. I'd be an idiot not to say yes, Jensen."

Jensen stills for a second time. "Jared. Are you sure?" he asks. He slides his hands to Jared's hips, squeezing them, and drags him in against him, as close as possible.

Jared smiles, brushing their lips together. "I would have said yes after that first night, Jensen. There's no reason for me to say no now," he says. "I want this."

"I do, too. Knew it right away that I wanted to marry you. That I _would_ marry you," Jensen murmurs softly.

Jared pulls back a little. "I think you should put the ring on me now," he teases. "And then you should take me to bed, Mr. Ackles."

"It'll be my pleasure, future Mr. Ackles," Jensen replies, and Jared feels like all air has left his lungs.

"That sounds so much better than Padalecki," he says. "Better than Morgan. Better than any other name I could have."

Grinning, he hands Jensen the box and holds out his hand, arching it exaggeratedly and wiggling his fingers. Jensen laughs and takes Jared's hand in his before sliding the ring on Jared's finger. It fits perfectly and Jared knows it's just a ring, but he feels like something slots into place. Like it's a piece that's been missing until now, and it makes him feel complete in a way he hasn't felt in a long, long time.


End file.
